All My Love, Beca Mitchell
by Knope.We.Can
Summary: Chloe left Aubrey strict instructions to look after Beca. Aubrey just wished the tiny DJ would make it easier for her. Mostly one sided BeChloe one-shot with some Beca & Aubrey friendship in there. Trigger warning: suicide. Rated M for language.


**This is my very first fanfic :) I don't know if this is too long for a one-shot**** or not, I'm totally new to this whole thing. Please let me know what you think :)**

**I do not own Pitch Perfect**

* * *

"So, you wanna hang out?" Beca asked the redheaded woman who was pulling on her clothes.

"No thanks. I should probably go." The woman said, tying her shoes.

"Yeah. Okay." Beca climbed out of bed and hastily putting on a dressing gown as the redhead left. As she opened the front door she brushed past a tall blond who's fist was raised, ready to knock. Beca groaned when she saw her. "Afternoon Aubrey." She said as she went into the kitchen and poured a cup of strong black coffee.

"Again Beca? Seriously?" Aubrey said, slamming the front door behind her. "What are you doing?" She took in the tiny woman's appearance. Her dark eye makeup was smudged and her long brown hair was matted at the back.

"I think that's pretty fucking obvious." The brunette grumbled into her coffee. Aubrey softened and sat down beside her, putting a hand on her back.

"You have to stop this."

"We aren't doing this now, okay?" Beca shrugged off her friend's hand. "I'm not having this conversation today."

"We're going to have to talk about it eventually." Beca stood up and took her coffee back into her room.

"Not today 'Bree." And she shut the door behind her. Aubrey sighed and rubbed her temples. Chloe had left her very strict instructions to take care of Beca and so far she was doing a pretty terrible job. The blonde tidied up Beca's place and started cooking her dinner when she finally came out of her room. She was showered and dressed now but the lack of makeup showed the dark circles under her eyes. She was biting on her bottom lip and her hands were fiddling with the belt loops in her jeans. Aubrey had seen this all before, this was her apology pose. Aubrey pursed her lips and waited. "I'm sorry." She said, her steely blue eyes fixed on a spot on the floor.

"I just wish you would talk to me, Becs. This whole self-destruct thing needs to stop." Aubrey said.

"I know. I'll stop." Aubrey had heard it all before but it was too difficult staying angry with Beca. So she sighed, pulled the girl into a hug and then got back to cooking her dinner. They sat in silence for a while.

"What are you thinking about?" Aubrey asked, piling spaghetti on both of their plates.

"Food." Beca said, pulling the plate towards her and shovelling the food into her mouth. Aubrey laughed lightly. "You don't have to do this you know." She said with a mouthful of pasta.

"Do what?"

"Take care of me." Beca mopped up the last of her tomato sauce with a piece of garlic bread.

"You're hardly doing a good job yourself." Aubrey said with a raised eyebrow.

"It isn't your job. Whatever Chloe told you, you don't have to do this. You don't owe her anything." Aubrey was surprised. Usually Beca couldn't even say her name.

"I'm your friend and I want to look out for you. I mean you could make it easier for me to do that." Beca smiled.

"I guess I could." After that she was quiet for the rest of the evening. She did the dishes and sat with Aubrey and watched some dumb TV show. She wasn't really watching it. In her head she was where she always was. Where she wanted to be most. With Chloe.

"Beca Mitchell are you even listening to me?" Aubrey said waving a hand in front of Beca's vacant expression.

"Sorry." She mumbled, stifling a yawn. "What did you say?"

"I said can I crash on the couch tonight? It's like midnight and I don't want to walk home."

"Yeah. Yeah sure. I'm gonna go to bed, okay?" She got up and headed for her bedroom, hovering at the doorway. "Thanks 'Bree." She said softly before closing the door behind her. Aubrey switched off the TV and pulled the blanket from the back of the sofa around her, not bothering to take her clothes off. This was becoming a weekly routine. On a Sunday, Aubrey would come over, clean up, cook and then spend the night to make sure Beca didn't do anything stupid. Beca would always promise to change, that next week would be different. Aubrey would leave on Monday with Beca still feeling positive. She would call and text her back for the next couple of days but usually went quiet on Wednesday when she'd break and start drinking. By Thursday the apartment would be a mess and she was down to eating one meal a day. On Friday she would hit the clubs, looking for a girl with red hair to bring home. It was the same on Saturday. On Sunday, Aubrey would be back and the cycle would repeat. But she wasn't about to let Chloe down. And despite what she had said about her in the past, she really did like tiny DJ. So she didn't complain about spending her Sunday night on an uncomfortable sofa. She just closed her eyes and waited for sleep.

At around 3am she woke up. She sat up, wondering what it was that had disturbed her. She could hear soft rain tapping on the windows and the relentless ticking of her watch but there was something else too. It was coming from Beca's room. It wasn't uncommon for Aubrey to hear her crying in the early hours of the morning. She usually left her to it, but there was something different this time. Someone was speaking. It was a voice that was painfully familiar. She approached Beca's door and pressed her ear against it.

"Hi, you've reached the aca-awesome Chloe Beale. I can't take your call right now, so leave a message after the beep." This was followed by the combined laughter of Chloe and Beca.

"Aca-awesome? Really?" Beca said. It was the old Beca's voice. Full of sarcasm but also love and adoration. It was a tone that wasn't heard in Beca's voice anymore.

"Totes!" Chloe's voice said before a beep. She heard Beca sniff and take a deep breath before the message was played again. The message was playing for the fourth time when Aubrey finally pushed open the door. Beca was sat cross-legged on the bed, her shoulders shaking with every sob. An empty vodka bottle lay beside her and her phone was lying face up, illuminating her face in the dark. Beca didn't flinch when the bed dipped behind her. She knew it would only be a matter of time before Aubrey heard.

"Beca." Aubrey said softly, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

"I miss her so fucking much, Aubrey." Beca said, tears falling freely down her face.

"I know. I know I miss her too." Aubrey adjusted their positions until they were lying down, Beca wrapped protectively in her arms.

"I wake up in the morning and it's like I still expect her to be there. I reach out for her but the bed's just cold and empty. And when I get a text or a phone call, my heart leaps the way it used to when she would text and phone. And then it isn't her and it's all I can do not to throw the fucking thing at the wall. I can't even make music anymore because every song is full of her. Why did she do this to me? To us?" Aubrey couldn't answer her. "I'm done, Aubrey. I'm so fucking done."

"I know." She said softly. She stroked the smaller girl's back until her sobs subsided and her breathing evened out, showing she had finally fallen asleep.

When Aubrey woke up the next morning, the cold space beside her let her know that Beca was already up. She could hear the clattering of pans in the kitchen and the soft sound of Beca's voice. She was singing. For the first time in months. Aubrey walked into the kitchen to the sight of Beca making bacon and pancakes. She was showered and dressed and had her trademark dark eye makeup on.

"Morning Beca." Aubrey said, taking a seat in the kitchen and pouring herself some coffee. "You seem... Happy." Beca smiled at her. There was something in Beca's eyes that Aubrey couldn't place. Maybe it was happiness, she hadn't seen the brunette happy in months, but she didn't think so. "Are you okay?"

"I thought, maybe I would go see Chloe today." Beca said her smile slipping slightly. "I think it's time."

"That's great Becs. Do you need me to come with you?" Aubrey said trying to hide her disbelief.

"No. Thanks, 'Bree. I think I need to do this alone, you know?"

"Yeah. I get it." They sat in silence while they ate their breakfast. Aubrey helped her do the dishes after they'd eaten before getting her stuff together to leave. "Stacie and I are having some of the girls around tonight. Kind of like a Bellas reunion thing. Do you want to join us when you're done? They've all been asking after you." Beca paused, biting her lip.

"Yeah. Yeah okay. I'll text you when I'm done." She said, not quite meeting Aubrey's eye. Aubrey smiled and went to leave. "This must have been really hard for you. Keeping it together. Taking care of me. I really appreciate it." Aubrey placed her hands on Beca's arms, trying to see into her eyes.

"Are you okay?" Beca tried to avert her eyes which were rapidly filling with tears.

"I'm fine." She wiped her eyes quickly. "I'm fine." Aubrey hugged her.

"Don't get soft on me Mitchell." Aubrey tried to let go but felt Beca still gripping her tightly. "Becs?" She heard Beca sniff slightly and she broke apart, wiping her eyes again.

"Sorry." She said trying to smile. "You can go, I'll be fine." Aubrey didn't like to leave her like this. Something felt wrong. "I'm fine 'Bree."

"I'll see you tonight?" She said, trying to shake the feeling. Beca was biting her lip again.

"Yeah. I'll text you." And with that Aubrey smiled and left.

Once the sun had finally set, Beca left the house. Her phone buzzed in her pocket she drove. She knew it would be Aubrey checking up on her, and her suspicions were confirmed when she checked her phone after pulling into the parking lot.

_Aubrey: Everything okay? Thought I'd have heard from you by now xx_

Beca couldn't help but smile. Of course Aubrey texted with perfect grammar, just like her. Something Chloe had never done, much to both girls' annoyance. She tapped out her reply and sent it.

_Beca: You worry too much xx _

She pulled her bag from the passenger seat and exited the car. Making sure she wasn't seen by anyone, she squeezed herself through the gap in the padlocked gates and began searching. It was dark but eventually, she found her. Her eyes fell upon a name and she read the words that still felt like a punch in the stomach 'Here lies Chloe Beale. July 12th 1990 - December 27th 2013.' Beca knelt down, her fingers brushed the gold engraved writing. This was the first time she'd come here since the funeral, three months ago. She had planned to say something but now she was sat here the words stuck in her throat. She opened and closed her mouth several times before finally croaking out a single word.

"Why?" And then the tears spilled from her eyes and she cried and screamed and gripped the grass beneath her, as if she could pull Chloe back to her. With shaking hands she opened her bag and pulled out a bottle of vodka, taking big gulps and coughing as it burned her throat. She drank more. And then she turned to the other item in her bag. A part of her had hoped that she'd change her mind when she got her. That seeing Chloe's grave would give her some kind of closure. But it had the opposite effect. It strengthened her resolution. If Chloe wasn't coming to her, then she would go to Chloe. She took the knife out of her bag and double checked that she'd remembered her letters. One to Aubrey, the other to her Dad. Then she took a deep breath and stabbed herself in each thigh, hitting the arteries. She cried out in pain but dragged the knife down her wrists before she lost the strength to do it. Her vision was already swimming but she could vaguely make out that her phone was vibrating against her leg. It was coated in blood when she pulled it out of her pocket but she could see Aubrey's name on the screen. She was going to ignore it but thought that would be more suspicious. She didn't want to be found until it was too late.

"Beca?" Aubrey spoke before she had a chance to say anything.

"Hey." Beca tried to keep her voice normal but it shook with a mixture of cold, alcohol and blood loss.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing. Everything's fine 'Bree. I just have a headache and I forgot to text you that I wasn't coming." Beca was fighting the urge to close her eyes now. "I'll... I'll speak you you later."

"Beca Mitchell don't you dare hang up on-." Beca ended the call. She curled up on the grass and waited. Before she closed her eyes she swore she saw a flash of red hair.

* * *

Aubrey paced her living room, her girlfriend Stacie was watching her from the couch. The other girls had left about an hour ago.

"Something doesn't feel right Stace." She said trying for the fourth time to call Beca back. "She said she was at home with a headache but it sounded like she was outside. I don't like this." She paused and closed her eyes. Feeling the vomit rise inside her.

"Aubrey, relax. I'm sure she's okay. You said she was going to see Chloe today right? Maybe she's still there and just didn't want to talk." Stacie said, standing and placing two hands on her girlfriend's shoulders.

"Can we go see?" Aubrey asked. Stacie nodded and they climbed into the car.

* * *

"Beca." Chloe's voice pulled at Beca. She opened her eyes and saw the red hair and blue eyes that she missed more than anything else in the world. Chloe reached out and brushed the hair from Beca's pale face. "Beca, what did you do?"

"I did what you did Chlo." Beca's voice was strained. "I'm coming to be with you." Chloe gave her a sad smile.

"You shouldn't have done this." She said, continuing to stroke her hair.

"You're in no position to lecture me, Beale." Beca said with a small laugh. She was desperate to close her eyes again but didn't want to miss looking at the beautiful redhead for a second. She reached out to touch the bruises on Chloe's neck but couldn't quite lift her arms. "Why?"

"I was sad, Becs. Depressed." Chloe's eyes filled with tears.

"You could have talked to me. I could have helped." Beca was struggling to breathe now. "You didn't even leave a proper note."

"I didn't have anything to say. I wasn't thinking, I just wanted it to stop. Just like you did." Beca's eyes closed. Chloe waited and watched as the slow rise and fall of her chest stopped. Tears fell down her cheeks as she stood to leave. She turned away and saw the tiny DJ waiting for her. Her arm outstretched, jagged scars down both wrists. Chloe smiled and took the brunette's hand in her own as they walked away.

* * *

"That's Beca's car." Aubrey said as they pulled into the almost deserted parking lot. They hurried out and found the gap in the gate that Beca had squeezed through. Aubrey had been coming to visit Chloe once a week since it happened so even in the dark she found her grave quickly. "Oh God, Beca!" She cried as she saw the curled up girl whose blood had coated the grass. She phoned for an ambulance and then threw up and as Stacie knelt by the girl and, with a shaking hand, tried to find her pulse. There was nothing. No heartbeat, no breathing, nothing.

"Aubrey." Stacie said, her voice shaking. "Aubrey she's gone."

One week later, Aubrey was sitting beside Stacie on their bed. Beca's Dad told them that in her note to him, she had requested that the two girls should take anything they wanted from her room. At first they'd refused but he begged. He knew he wouldn't be able to face having it all. So the girls took photographs, USB's containing Beca's mixes, her notebooks, sketchbooks and a few items of clothing. It was all piled in a box by their feet. Aubrey picked up the BU sweatshirt that had once belonged to Chloe and pressed it to her face, breathing it in.

"I think it's time to read this 'Bree." Stacie said, holding the envelope that contained the letter Beca left for her. Aubrey hadn't been able to face reading it yet.

"I can't. I can't please do it for me?" Aubrey hadn't stopped crying since it happened and right now was no exception. Because the only note Chloe had left simply said 'take care of Beca' she had forced herself to stay strong to carry out her best friend's final wish. Now there was no one left to be strong for, she allowed herself to go to pieces and let Stacie look after her. She curled up on the bed and Stacie stroked the blonde's hair as she read the letter.

"Dear Aubrey,

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry it came to this. But I can't do this without her. And I can't let you put your life on hold while you take care of me. There's nothing I can say that will make any of this easier, I know that. I just hope you understand that I just couldn't handle it anymore. I couldn't handle the ache that came every morning when I had to wake up without her. I couldn't handle the sudden tidal wave of pain that would hit me out of nowhere because I caught a whiff of her perfume or heard a song that she liked. Even eating food that she used to make for me hurts. I'm sorry Aubrey. I love you and you've been an amazing friend. Please pass my love and apologies onto Stacie the rest of the girls.

All my love, Beca Mitchell."


End file.
